Waiting, waiting, waiting...

Well, after last weeks bombshell, everything appears to have ground to a super frustrating halt. Apparently, the next stage is a biopsy, so that the Haematology team can better understand the lymphoma (aka bastard cancer). They need to dot every i, cross every t, and identify exactly what it is.  How fast is it growing? Is it exactly the same version as last time?

According to the PET/CT scan, the lymphoma is currently showing in four places (which in theory is ‘good news’ in that it's fewer than the 7 places it was first time round!).  It's in both kidney’s, in the nerve at my L5 vertebrae and most weirdly, in my left buttock.  Yes, that really did say my left buttock.  Only I could get cancer of the arse.  I’ll just leave that one with you for a minute...

Anyhoo, given that the biopsy will be performed on the one showing in my butt, I suspect the whole process will be excruciatingly embarrassing and therefore highly entertaining.  I might even ask them if they can make any improvements while they’re there - a little lift maybe? 

The worst thing at the moment, aside from the fact that it's back, is the waiting - knowing it's growing inside me, every second, of every minute, of every hour … you get the picture.  Without being over dramatic, it feels like someone who wants to kill me is living inside me.  Think about every thriller/horror you’ve ever watched and how nervous you’ve felt when you realise the killer is already inside the house.  Now translate that to a vicious bastard being inside your body.  That’s where those of us with cancer are.

In the meantime, a variety - or should I say varietal? - of wines are helping me cope with the waiting.  A juicy Argentinian Malbec and a crisp NZ Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc are proving particularly reliable ;-) Once the treatment kicks in, they’ll be a thing of the past, so I’m enjoying them while I can.

Hi everyone, long time no write…  It’s been over two years since I last posted on this blog and to be completely honest, I was hoping never to post again. (nothing personal, I just didn’t feel the need to share my innermost soul, falling over incidents and toileting habits with the wider world once I was in remission).  Unfortunately, cancer, that sneaky, vile, bastard disease has crept up on me again, so my ‘Let battle commence: Round II’ blog is now officially up and running.  

After a merry go round of MRI and PET/CT scans over the last four weeks, my haematology consultant confirmed yesterday evening that I have Non-Hodgkin Diffuse B Lymphoma again.  We don’t know what stage yet, but he described it as “extensive” and “aggressive”.

To say that I'm devastated would be an understatement.  I am beyond devastated, but I’m fucking angry too.  And that anger is a good thing.  It’s what will fuel my fight, and I intend to fight like a warrior – and importantly, this time I’m going into the fight standing up! (not paralysed from the boobs down, which frankly, limits the ability to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee… )  I am not ready to shuffle off this mortal coil yet.  There are far too many things to do, places to see, people to meet, other people to annoy, dogs to cuddle and wine to be drunk  - and trust me, I intend to tick all those boxes before I go anywhere.

They tell me it’s going to take five months, during which time I’ll be filled with nasty chemo, will go through a stem cell transplant and may also need radiation therapy.  All of which will provide lots of fodder for witty blog updates, so buckle in - it's going to be a bumpy ride ….

A. xxx