Still raging...

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas

Well, as some of you were aware, today was my d-day.  Earlier this morning I saw my haematology consultant to get the results of the scan which would tell me whether the seemingly never-ending, brutal treatment programme I've been going through since last October has worked or not.

And the good news is, it has. I AM IN REMISSION!!! :-) :-) :-)

So, cancer has been sent packing again and hopefully this time, despite statistics that warn me otherwise, it'll get the message once and for all.  Just in case though, Kevin & I will be getting on with my bucket list, starting with our trip to California later this year, then there's a plane to be jumped out of, highest/fastest zip wires to whiz along, wonderful wines to be tasted, friends & places to be visited and many, many other amazing experiences to be lived, loved and embraced. Carpe Diem.

Lots of love from a very, very happy me.

xxx

Back in the land of the living…ish

Well, it’s been a while folks, but to be honest, the last couple of months have been the toughest I’ve ever had to cope with – and updating the blog was way down my list of priorities.  When the lovely people at Royal Berks told me the stem-cell transplant treatment was tough, they weren’t joking.  Although in reality, it’s the high-dose chemo you receive immediately before the transplant that causes the problems - as I said in my last update, it felt more nuclear-dose than high-dose.  Suffice to say, I never, never, never want to have to go through that again.

Anyway, although I do still have to go through a series of radiotherapy, I feel like I’m now on the mend.  This means I’ve now got a semi-reasonable level of immunity (enough to see people and get out and about) and am very slowly regaining my strength.  Along with that, my desire to return to some semblance of normality i.e. leave the house occasionally and get back to doing some work has kicked in big-time.  I've never been famous for my patience! I drove myself to the shop and back for the first time last week, have started going on short dog walks with Kevin and the hounds and even went out for a birthday meal on Saturday night (a friends, not mine – that party will be in June!).   

My taste buds have started to come back as well which is fab – being able to actually taste what I’m eating feels like such a bonus!  And thank the Lord, after pouring a glass and tasting it with much trepidation, I'm delighted to confirm that I do still love wine!!  So, I have also been enjoying the odd little tipple of a lovely NZ Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc I found… ;-)

The only downside of all of this activity is that whenever I actually do any of these things, I need to ‘have a little rest’ afterwards, which makes me feel bloody ancient.  I mean, I know I’m getting on, but this is ridiculous!  I’m hoping that this requirement for ‘rest’ will reduce as time goes on – after all, Spring has now well and truly sprung, which means we’re approaching silly season in the Henley neck of the woods and I’ll need to be fully recovered to cope with that…

Home from home. Not.

Sorry to be a bit late on parade with the blog, but to be honest, I’ve been totally wiped out by the ‘high dose chemo’ they’ve been filling me with since I arrived on Thursday.  Did I say high dose?!?!  Nuclear dose more like – I hardly knew what my name was the first few days. Chemo is well known for making one feel a little distracted, but I genuinely can't maintain focus for more than a few seconds at a time.  And as for putting together a coherent sentence, forget it. I hope the stem-cell transplant manages to reverse all this forgetfulness, because otherwise I’m going to spend the rest of my life not having a clue what’s going on.  No change there then, I hear some of you say...

Consistent sleep feels like a distant memory, as I’m woken regularly for Obs checks, chemo bag changes, room cleans, lunch (which I don’t want), tea (which I don’t want) and dinner (which I don’t want).  I am currently surviving on tuna melts from the coffee shop and fruit.  They weren’t joking when they said I’d lose weight in here, I just don’t think it’ll be for the reasons they had in mind.  I seem to have finally managed a good sleep last night though, so hopefully, I’ll be able to maintain my train of thought long enough to get this posted. ;-)

I am in a ward called Adelaide, which is politely called a chemo ward a.k.a., cancer ward.  I have a room to myself which as I’m likely to be here for a month or more, I have decorated with a few bits from home.  Having said that, they’re mainly pictures that make me cry every time I look at them, so I’m not sure they’re achieving their primary objective of making me feeling better to be honest.  Perhaps I should rethink that particular bit of home from home dressing…

Yet again I am bowled away by the amazing NHS staff – particularly the nurses.  They are nothing short of amazing.  Adelaide has had a bit of an issue with heating over the last few days.  It’s basically been like a bloody oven, averaging about 26-28C.  This has been hideous for patients, particularly those of us ladies of a certain age and for visitors, as Mr. J. bemoaned loud and long on each visit.  The nurses however have kept going throughout.  Working a 12 hour shift in those conditions while staying focused and keeping a smile on your face takes some doing, so if I had a hat on, I’d take it off to them.  Another reminder why we must fight so hard to protect and retain the wonderful, wonderful NHS.  (I’m not sure we need to fight to keep the engineers who messed up the heating though – they can sod off to be honest).

Right, I can feel my brain starting to go on a meander now, so I’ll sign off and see where it takes me.  Who knows where I’ll end up – if you see someone walking along the London Road or through the Oracle in pink checked jammies and a Race for Life t-shirt can you please return me to the Royal Berks?  They’ll know where to put me…

xxx