Biopsy, schmiopsy...

Where to start?  It’s been a busy, intense and full-on few weeks since I last posted with my seismically huge, crap news.  As well as carrying on with work (I did just launch a new business in May - great timing huh?!?) there have been lots of ups, downs and middle of the road incidents since then, but the biopsy was probably the most interesting/entertaining.

Now, over the years, like many of you I’d imagine, I’ve heard about biopsies as being scary and upsetting experiences, so I was dreading mine.  Friday morning came round and I presented myself (along with the ever loyal and wonderful Mr. J) at the desk at 8.30, per my instructions.  The medical team came and fetched me fairly quickly and asked me to don one of their fabulously stylish robes – yes, the ones where your arse is hanging out for all and sundry to see.  Wonderful, I thought – the medical team and random passers by at x-ray are in for a treat now.  Not.  

Anyhoo, they confirmed all my details and then told me to relax while I waited.  Now, I’m not sure about you, but I found relaxing a little challenging in that context – and when I say challenging, I mean downright impossible!  Who the f’ing hell is going to relax when they’re about to have several small chunks of flesh removed from their body?  Thankfully, without too long a wait, I was wheeled in to see Mrs. Robertson, who was a thoroughly lovely, capable and confidence inspiring doctor.  We went through the required introductions, although I have to say they were a little stilted, given that I was lying on the gurney thingy with my arse in the air for all to see. The reason for which was, that they were taking the biopsy from my left buttock - obviously.  If you're wondering what the hell is going on here, I refer you back to my previous post about having cancer of the arse.

At this point I should point out that her assistant, a very young, handsome and erudite nurse called Tom, was also in the room.  He was an identikit for Phillip Winchester – those of you who watched the schmaltz that is Strike Back will know who he is, but for those who don’t, he looks like the image to the right.  Yes, really.  This is not an exaggeration for comedy purposes - he was the bloody image of him and even sounded like him!   Given that he was the one getting me in the right position, so therefore moving my exposed bum about, I wasn’t self-conscious at all.  Nope.  Not even one teeny little bit.  Gaaagghhhg!!!! :-(

As Dr. R gave me the local anaesthetic, telling me it would hurt a bit, she asked me what I do for a living.  Now as those of you who know me are aware, I work in the employee engagement/performance improvement world, and I’m very passionate about it.  Cue a fascinating conversation about engagement levels in the NHS for about 30 mins and suddenly it was all over and I’d felt hardly anything.  (Actually, I got a card for a potential future business opportunity once I’ve come through all this shit).  Apparently, you’re usually kept in for 4-6 hours after this type of biopsy, but I was feeling fine and was screamingly bored after about an hour, so asked if I could leave.  They assessed me and said that I was surprisingly ok, so said yes.

I was thrilled, because frankly, I had things to do.  Most immediately, a trip to B&Q - so off we went to immerse ourselves in DIY.  Well, the bedroom has to be sorted out before I get to the ‘not strong enough to even move off the bed’ post stem-cell transplant stage of this treatment - and the rooms not going to paint itself is it??  Later on that evening, I went out for dinner and giggles with some amazing, wonderful supportive girlfriends (you know who you are ladies!) and got home ‘quite late’.  

So, all in all, I think I can say I came through the biopsy bit fairly well.  One small part of the battle won.

Aideen 1 - 0 cancer

Addendum

Results of said biopsy have come through and they’ve confirmed the diagnosis of relapsed DLBCL, so chemo starts on Monday 17^th.  I need to be admitted for this chemo infusion apparently, as it’s so “potent”, so I’ve no doubt I’ll be regaling you with updates far more regularly once I’m on the ward.  There’s always rich content available while in hospital, so once again, buckle up – this could be a bumpy, but funny/interesting ride…

Aideen xxx